Sometimes it really does seem like Hollywood is out to ruin everything I have ever held dear. I know that's a bit of an overstatement, but every time a piece of news like this crosses my path, I can't help but take it personally. The Hollywood Reporter announced that MGM is developing a musical version of the 1983 romantic comedy, Valley Girl. If you haven't seen the original, then get thee to a Blockbuster because it's pretty damn awesome.

Valley Girl was directed by Martha Coolidge and starred Deborah Foreman and Nicolas Cage as a pair of star-crossed lovers in the San Fernando Valley. Besides being one of the better teen movies to come out of the '80s, Valley Girl also had one of the best soundtracks around. According to THR, MGM is planning on combining the "Romeo and Juliet-style narrative of the original into a musical colored by re-imagined classic '80s tunes." So I guess it just gets worse, because I am not looking forward to a 're-imagined' Melt with You.

The Valley Girl update is just the latest in a series of remakes announced by MGM as they raid their back catalog for anything they can get their hands on. Considering MGM was home of the musical for many years, I understand that it makes sense to carry on the tradition, but why did they have to pick on Valley Girl?

So in honor of all things valley, I'll give my review a little prematurely: Gag me with a spoon.

I'm typically a fan of all the movie-related stamps produced by the U.S. Postal Service, and I'm very glad to read the news that important early African American movie stars are being recognized and celebrated with a new series of 42-cent stamps (see them all here). However, I am a little disappointed that it carries on the usual exclusion of mostly forgotten non-musical race films, which are a significant part of both film history and African American history. Considering the stamps are tagged "Black Cinema USA," a number of people may assume this was the height of what African Americans were offered in the first half of the 20th century (Oscar Micheaux deserves a stamp).

Gripes aside, though, it is nonetheless a wonderful set. The five stamps feature vintage poster designs from old movies starring musical artists Josephine Baker (Princess Tam-Tam), Duke Ellington (Black and Tan) and Louis Jordan (Caldonia), plus King Vidor's monumental Oscar-nominated musical, Hallelujah! (it was one of the rare studio films featuring an all black cast) and the 1921 silent film The Sport of the Gods. In previous, separate years, Showboat costars Paul Robeson and Hattie McDaniel have also received their own postage stamps.

The new stamps come out Wednesday and there will be a ceremony on their behalf that day at the Newark Museum, which is currently holding the 34th annual Newark Black Film Festival. The festival is also holding free screenings of Hallelujah on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

What could make a remake of an edgy '80s classic worthy of our valuable time? A top-notch director, of course. Within a Hollywood Reporter article focused on MGM's new chairman, Mary Parent (and all the franchises she's kicking into high gear) is one heck of a good name drop. According to the studio, Darren Aronofsky has stopped by to talk about helming the Robocop remake.

Now stop and savor how brilliant Aronofsky's Robocop would be. Doesn't that feel nice? Don't get too excited, as it's probably too good to be true, but what if? Not only could he actually make a film that could rival the bitter satire of Paul Verhoven's original, but it would actually give him some long overdue recognition and box office success. (Yes, I know we film nuts know him like he's our best friend -- but have you actually discussed The Fountain around the water cooler lately?)

Aronofsky has been dancing around big budget movie making for years. I don't know how many comics adaptations he's been attached to over the years -- I can think of Batman, Lone Wolf and Cub, and Ronin off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure there's more. Robocop really does seem right up his alley. Let this idea actually come together. I think audiences deserve it.

[via CHUD]

There has been a lot of heated debate about that second Hobbit film. Many Lord of the Rings fans will take anything Middle-Earth, even if it's two hours cobbled out of appendices. Others see it as a betrayal of the Tolkien canon, and a blatant money grab by all involved. I readily admit I fall into the first category -- but I certainly don't want to see a bad film just to get a visual Middle Earth fix.

No matter what camp you fall into, however, Guillermo del Toro just made a statement that should please everyone. According to Defamer, he promises they are looking at adapting The Hobbit first and foremost -- and that a second film may not even happen. "We believe there is a second movie," del Toro said. "If there isn't, there will not be. If we find it, we will shoot it, but by God, if we do not find it, we will not shoot it. I am anxious to shoot the book, and I'm willing and able to dedicate myself to shooting the [second film]. In the four books that are in the domain of the copyright, there are appendices and ideas and things that can be traced without risk. But I have to be careful not to overstep. We believe there is a way to create this film and make it interesting, but it's too early."

I'm not the most knowledgeable man when it comes to dance, but I'm at least a little familiar with Cyd Charisse. As everyone should be. Next to Ginger Rogers, she was possibly the most iconic female dancer in film history. Even those of us cinephiles who skip out on most dance musicals have at least seen her famous number from Singin' in the Rain (above). A few years ago, when Moviefone counted down the Top 10 Best Dance Scenes, it was #2 (just behind Dirty Dancing).

Charisse has died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 86, and she's hopefully joining old partners Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly for some of the best dance scenes ever seen up in heaven. With the former, she was paired up in The Band Wagon, Ziegfeld Follies and Silk Stockings (for which she received a Golden Globe nomination), and with the latter, she danced in Brigadoon, It's Always Fair Weather, Invitation to Dance and, of course, in Singin' in the Rain.

We have no details at all beyond what you just read in the headline, but THR is reporting that MGM has remakes of Robocop and Red Dawn in the works. (L-Rappe had some buzz on Robocop right here.) Studio chiefs Harry Sloan and Mary Parent must have simply stood up at Cannes and said out loud: "MGM is remaking Robocop and Red Dawn" before vanishing into a hotel or something. So in lieu of additional information regarding cast and crew, I'll just fill a second paragraph with some ranting.

First off, you're never going to improve on Paul Verhoeven's Robocop, which is just about the most spot-on, no-bullsh!t action satire you'll ever see. Unless MGM wants to hire someone like David Fincher or Brad Anderson, I don't have a very good vibe on a Robo-remake. And Red Dawn? Well ... obviously you'd have to update the villains, wouldn't you? Viewed through a socio-political spectrum, John Milius' Red Dawn might be one of the most "outdated" action movies at the video store. Plus, as cool as it looks on screen, the concept of paratroopers invading America is pretty damn hilarious.

So obviously I don't think much of either project at this point. (Sorry, but when I read the word "remake," my brain heads right to the word "lazy," although obviously that's not always the case.) But of course I'll see both of 'em as soon as they come out. I just can't help it. And since it's also an '80s-era MGM title that begins with a "R," I guess you can expect a remake of Road House soon enough.

Gotta love those fan-friendly filmmakers. Next Saturday the Hobbit-makers (Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro) will participate in an online Q&A session -- and you've we've been invited to contribute some queries! Got a question about the cast? The second film? SMAUG??!? Then make sure you're signed up in advance, and get your question(s) ready!

ComingSoon.net tipped me off first, but you can see a full invitation from Mr. Jackson right here. Here's a snip: "We ask all fans with an interest in The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings to send one question to this website. Ask us anything! Guillermo and I will select and answer the 20 most common questions, so we can both attempt to address the key issues as best we can ... In addition to answering your 20 questions -- for the entire hour we'll take additional live questions and chat about the projects with anyone who's interested."

(Dramatic pause)

ANYONE WHO'S INTERESTED? Holy macaroni, my geek-meter just overheated. Hell, I don't even need to ask a question (anything I'd want to know would probably be covered by a smarter geek than me), but I cannot WAIT to read the transcription of this chat session. Ugh, I can't believe we have to wait over two years for this Hobbit movie, but what sweet torture it is.

I guess there is always room for another weird form of time travel. A big blue box has been making time travel fun for years on Doctor Who, and now we're getting a wet and wild version. The Hollywood Reporter posts that MGM has picked up a new comedy project by Josh Heald called Hot Tub Time Machine. Doesn't that sound like something right out of the '80s? I could totally see it as a follow-up to Weird Science.

Anyway ... the flick is said to follow "a group of guys, adults who used to be cads back in their heyday, who, after a night of vodka and Red Bulls in a hot rub, travel back in time and set out to rediscover their 'mojo.'" Methinks there will be no room in this feature for time travel rules and paradoxes -- this is sounding like the sort of project that will throw time travel law to the wind ... or maybe not!

MGM exec Cale Boyter says: "We're always looking for ways to stand out from the rest of the pack in today's crowded marketplace, and what better way than to combine hot tub debauchery and the complications of time travel." Oh, the ultimate geek adventure -- perfecting youthful ways whilst trying not to complicate time travel. What I don't get is how this works -- are they going back in time to watch themselves secretly and try to re-tap into their lost lasciviousness? I get the feeling it won't matter; I'm betting this flick will be all about the boobs and booze.

Brace yourselves, genre geeks, because here's some fantastic news: It's official. Dark fantasy master Guillermo del Toro has been officially signed to direct the Hobbit adaptation(s). Obviously we halfway knew this was coming, but it's great to have the news confirmed: We have a few years to wait, but the two-movie MGM/New Line adaptation of The Hobbit ... will both be "del Toro films." That's just awesome.

According to Variety, Guillermo will actually MOVE to New Zealand for four years to work on the two films. How's that for commitment to a project? Although it's not a done deal, it's expected that producers Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Phillippa Boyens will co-adapt the Tolkien tale together. No word yet on which Lord of the Rings cast members will be invited back for the prequels, but I'm betting we'll soon see Sir Ian donning that wizard's hat again!

And if I could just editorialize for a quick second: Guillermo del Toro has never made a bad movie. And don't say Mimic because that's a really underrated horror flick.