This week's column is about George Lucas, a long absent figure in the Geek Beat. If you find your blood pressure easily raised by even the slightest mention of his name, then skip reading this week. However, be assured that I'm not going to trot out any of the old Lucas clichés; tell you he raped my childhood, or bring up that cringe-worthy site that analyzes his neck size. But I am going to examine one of his lesser known sins: the 1996 sequel to Willow.

Thankfully, it was consigned only to bookshelves and not foisted on an unsuspecting movie audience. If you've never heard of it, be glad. And you're not alone, as it seems to have come and gone under the radar for most geeks. Which is a shame; it could have warned us that trouble was ahead -- like Lenin's letter warning against Stalin, or the iceberg warnings sent to the Titanic.

Ah, Willow. I didn't see it on its initial release, but rediscovered it as a pre-teen. I was enchanted by it in those days, when I was all about dragons, crystals, swords and the Renaissance Faire. (I've matured in my medieval tastes, though I still admire a well-made sword from time to time. I still have one hanging on my wall, actually.) Though I had read The Hobbit, I had not yet tackled Lord of the Rings, and so Willow struck me as relatively original. Now, of course, I realize it's a blatant rip-off of Tolkien ... but oh, the folly of youth. Plus, Val Kilmer was really handsome in the flick.

Warning: This post does contain lots of Crystal Skull spoilers. Read at your own risk.

Whether you loved Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or hated it, dreaded its arrival or could barely sleep at night in anticipation, I think we can all agree there are some things that we're really glad didn't happen. With George Lucas' oft-quoted desire for "wackiness," and with his Star Wars prequels being rife with mythology rewrites and well, "wackiness," there was cause for concern. I'm one of the individuals who didn't care for the film, but upon leaving, I knew it could have been a lot worse. My friends, who varied between loving, liking, and hating, agreed -- there could have been so many horrible things. For example, the much-maligned monkeys and prairie dogs could have broken out in a spontaneous and extended dance number, and the aliens could have appeared as Indy's father. So, this Cinematical Seven is the result of our roundtable rantings -- and, as always, I am anxious to hear your own ...