Cinematical

Pamela Anderson is stripping, and this time it's for charity! To help promote PETA, the Baywatch star has agreed to pose naked in Stella McCartney's London shop window. I have full confidence in Anderson's ability to flaunt her "anti-fur" position, but I'm not so sure how this stunt will translate into the better treatment of animals.  Believe it or not, it isn't fifteen year old boys who are driving the demand for mink gilets (although there was that one episode of Growing up Gotti where Carmine buys a fur coat). The only conceivable effect Pam's performance will have on the moneyed grannies of Britain is if her indecency drives them to swath her in their fox wraps -- and how adorable would a well placed paw pasty look?   

Keanu Reeves doesn't like computers. The Lake House star prefers to send his friends hand written letters instead of typing up a few quick e-mails. This revelation came just in time for the promotion of his new movie about a man who leaves love notes for a woman living in another time period. And just last month Keanu voiced his distaste for police states while promoting A Scanner Darkly, a movie about the evils of police states. I'm just going to go ahead and assume that Keanu's favorite type of time travel happens in a phone booth, he wishes all FBI agents could surf and thinks that long, black, creepy cape-coats are excellent! 

Kate Beckinsale is no floozy! The British star, who is set to release her new comedy Click co-starring Adam Sandler, said that she was surprised and hurt by the tabloid reaction to her marriage to Underworld director, Len Wiseman, after she split with her long-time boyfriend Michael Sheen. Beckinsale insists that she is quite conservative and wondered whether "you can find another actress in this town who's slept with only two people in a decade."  On that note, I would like to nominate Marie Osmond and the old lady from Titanic as two possible contenders. 

Brad Pitt is officially Dad of the Year (well, at least according to Life & Style magazine). The Fight Club star beat out fellow Hollywood fathers Ryan Phillipe, Heath Ledger and Ben Affleck to win the coveted number one spot. The ruling was based on Pitt's decision to choose family over the Cannes Film Festival. Naturally, Tom Cruise's whirlwind promotional tour just days after Suri's birth precluded him from the list. However, Cruise's couch-jumping antics did secure him the honor of being one half of In Touch magazine's Most Affectionate Couple in Hollywood. So it seems that the Interview with the Vampire stars are in a dead heat. Both have two adopted children, both have biological baby girls and both have meaningless tabloid titles. Personally, I'd like to see "Oldest Make-out" as the tie-breaking category. Tommy's marriage to Mimi Rogers gives him a bit of a head-start, but if Brad can get Barbara Hershey's digits, it'll be game-over.   

David Lynch's personal life might be odder than his on-screen plot lines. The director of such cult favorites as Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks and Mulholland Dr. is separating from his wife after only one month of marriage. Obviously Hollywood is no stranger to short-lived marriages (Britney, Zsa Zsa, Ernest Borgnine ... ), but Lynch and his wife already have a teenage son together, thus suggesting that they've known each other for quite some time. I guess this just proves that little pieces of paper do change people.   

Daryl Hannah's tree-sitting days are over! As reported earlier, Hannah and a bunch of other eco-celebs such as Joan Baez and Leonardo DiCaprio have been protesting the bulldozing of a subsistence farm in L.A.'s inner city for the past 23 days. The star of Splash went out with a bang yesterday when she was hauled off to prison with the rest of her fellow protesters. From her jail cell, Hannah told People, "I'm not thrilled about it, but I felt it was important to sustain my commitment." Hear that, Joan Baez and Leonardo DiCaprio? It's important to SUSTAIN your commitment. The fair-weather, tree-hugging celebs were nowhere to be seen during yesterday's police raid.  

Britney Spears is driving Mel Gibson crazy! According to media reports, the Lethal Weapon star is selling his Malibu mansion because the Spears-Federline clan is causing too much commotion around their gated community. The former Sexiest Man Alive is uprooting his family and moving closer to the Gibson-funded $3.7 million Catholic church. Hopefully now Mel can get some much needed peace and quiet -- I'll bet it wasn't easy channeling the Holy Spirit while PapaZao rapped around the clock. 

Matt Damon and his wife, Luciana Bozan, welcomed a baby girl on Sunday. Little Isabella Damon joins Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Violet Affleck and Suri Cruise as one of Hollywood's tiniest princesses. I'd really like to see these gals form a band together. They could call themselves The Newborn Supremacy and sing cheeky, infant-related songs like, Baby Love and Baby Got Back.

Angelina and Brad aren't the only people celebrating the birth of baby Shiloh. Denise Richards told Entertainment Tonight that she "was so thankful that Angelina had that baby" because Shiloh's arrival diverted some of the media attention away from her stormy relationship with Charlie Sheen. Phew!  I am so relieved.  At first I thought Denise's garish Pussycat Doll makeup was a desperate attempt to gain Sheen's attention (I heard he's a big fan of that particular look), but now I know it was just another part of her master plan to divert attention away from her messy divorce.   

Marc Anthony has finally reached "mega-icky" status in my books. To commemorate J-Lo's recent Women in Film award, the creepy crooner took out a page in Variety to advertise his love for Jennifer Lopez (doesn't he remember Afflek's boot-licking ad of 2002?  Not to mention Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford's ill-fated spread in the New York Times?).  Anthony phrased his praise like a script (complete with stage direction) and ended his profession of love with, "here's to never waking up, baby. You deserve it, I love you."  This sounded a little bit too much like A Nightmare on Elm Street's tag-line, "If Nancy Doesn't Wake Up Screaming, She Won't Wake Up At All ...".

According to Page Six,  we can now add Lindsay Lohan to Anna Wintour's "naughty list." The Herbie Fully Loaded star was sitting at Wintour's table for the CFDA Awards and allegedly visited the bathroom no less than six times in the span of two hours.  Wintour was furious with Lindsay's behavior and was overheard telling a Vogue Staffer, "tell her, if she gets up one more time, she will never be invited to one of my events again." It seems Lindsay has left her super cute Disney days in the dust and is headed towards an entirely different vehicle I like to call, The Bathroom: Fully Reloaded.

Dolphins are the latest mammals to hop on the "Jessica Alba is hot" bandwagon. The Sin City star recently confessed to the fact that the male dolphins on the set of Flipper got a little too close for comfort and would often give her "pokes" (her words, I swear).  Due to the all the friskiness on the set, Alba was forced to work solely with female dolphins.  Needless to say, Alba made sure give a shout-out to her underwater friends when she thanked "all the perverts who voted for me," for her MTV Movie Award for "Sexiest Performance".

Harvey Keitel is apparently just like the characters he plays in the movies - irrational and slightly unhinged.  Keitel's ex-wife, Lorraine Bracco, just finished penning her autobiography entitled, On the Couch.  The book details some of the Pulp Fiction star's crazier outbursts.  For instance, he sent Lorraine's third husband, Edward James Olmos, a machete with a two-foot blade and got his nine year old daughter to tell Olmos, "Daddy said you'd know what to do with it because you're a Mexican."  I didn't know machetes were exclusively Mexican.  I think a clearer and more delicious message could have been sent via a two-foot burrito or a machete-shaped pinata.  Fun for the whole extended family!

In a special Hollywood episode of Little People, Small World, Jeremy Piven and Stephen Dorff butted heads at the NYC hot-spot Bungalow 8.  The boys were all hopped up on V.I.P. treatment and testosterone after attending a P.Diddy party and apparently were feeling quite combative.  Dorff ticked Piven off by skipping ahead of him in the bathroom line and then mouthed off about being entitled to do what he wants!  Then Piven said, "You're a has-been" to which Dorff retorted, "At least I am a movie star - you're only on TV!  Cable TV!".  Oh, snap!  Security separated the twosome before they could further dissect each other's resumes.  For the record, it's cooler to guest star on Father Dowling Mysteries than co-star on Ellen, and a toupee is never acceptable.  

Canadian couple, Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morissette have officially ended their two year engagement.  If Reynolds wants to keep his relationship off the airwaves, he better steer clear of movie dates with forward women and doing anything ironic/not ironic at all. 

Brittany Murphy is really, really proud of her super-healthy skinniness. The Uptown Girl admitted to eating upwards of 12 eggs a day in order to bulk up and no longer "feel embarrassed about being too tiny."  Thankfully the starlet doesn't feel self-conscious anymore and is quite comfortable in her own skin (hear that Camryn Manheim? Fat girls no longer rule Hollywood!). Explaining her alleged weight-loss, Murphy claimed, "I'm the same size I was in Clueless; it's just that weight in your face changes as you get older." It sure does! And just like magic, all the fat starts wiggling into your upper lip and your arms get scarily toned and your hair turns blond!

Quick, turn the hemp factories back on! Woody Harrelson and his wife welcomed their third daughter, Makani Ravello, into the world this weekend and she's going to need something to wear!

Sandra Bullock successfully extended her June 2003 restraining order against crazed fan, Thomas James Weldon, until 2009. The over-enthusiastic Weldon allegedly followed the Miss Congeniality star throughout three states and bombarded her with faxes and voice mails, (I didn't hear her complaining when it was Matthew McConaughey ...). Sandra told the court that, "I do not know defendant, I have never met him and I have never communicated with him." My sympathies to everyone involved, but WOW, talk about cross-promotion! Sandy is about to release, The Lake House, her newest rom-dram co-starring Keanu Reeves. The tag-line for The Lake House? How do you hold onto someone you've never met? A big thank you to Thomas James Weldon for cracking that brainteaser. 

Speaking of McConaughey ... he and Spanish siren, Penelope Cruz, are calling it quits. The twosome blamed busy work schedules as the main reason for their separation. Personally, I don't really care why they hit splits-ville, I just want to see who Penelope dates next! Let's see, judging from her past relationships it seems that her ideal man must be both a little bit crazy and a former "Sexiest Man Alive."  That pretty much narrows the field down to Nick Nolte and he'd totally go for Cruz. I hear he's a sucker for anything that rhymes with "booze", or any vice for that matter. Here's hoping he'll misplace her Spanish accent and assume she's from Tijuana ...

Milla Jovovich blames her propensity for being cast in sci-fi flicks on the fact that she has an odd name.  The Fifth Element star claims that American directors get so confused by her foreign name that they automatically typecast her as either an alien or a superhero, (um, hello, Ultraviolet is like totally a vampire).  I suspect Milla's pigeonhole issues may have something to do with the fact that she continues to accept starring roles in the Resident Evil Franchise.   And really, are we now counting Joan of Arc as a superhero?  She didn't exactly ascend from the burning stake with the power to shoot fireballs from her wrists. 

Not six days old and already lil' Shiloh has her own website.  Angelina Jolie snapped up shilohnouveljoliepitt.com before Wilmer Valderrama some deranged pervert could do something unsavory with her web namesake.   And not a minute too soon!  Tom and Katie didn't move fast enough and now there is a giant clock at www.suricruise.com counting down the seconds until 'lil Suri becomes "of age".  Ew. 

William Shatner plans to end global conflict, one horse at a time.  The retired Trekkie is trying to raise $10,000,000 for a riding program in Israel in hopes of uniting Palestinians and Israelis.  The space nut is basing his resolution theory on the work he does with Ahead for Horses, an LA charity that helps disabled children.  Shatner explained the process by saying, "we know that the use of a horse in their therapy takes them beyond their handicapped body, their injured body, and into another area of health."  Not to be insensitive, but I'm pretty sure that the handicapped children of the Middle East aren't the principal players behind the decades-long conflict.  So, come on Nasrallah and Katsav, everyone jump upon the peace horse!  Ooh-ahh-ee-ahh-oooh-aah, come on now peace horse.